The Random Thread (My 5985)

VINCENT
Sure did. I heard you did a pilot.

MIA
That was my fifteen minutes.

VINCENT
What was it?

MIA
It was show about a team of female
secret agents called "Fox Force Five."

VINCENT
What?

MIA
"Fox Force Five." Fox, as in we're a
bunch of foxy chicks. Force, as in
we're a force to be reckoned with.
Five, as in there's one... two ...
three... four... five of us. There
was a blonde one, Sommerset O'Neal
from that show "Baton Rouge," she
was the leader. A Japanese one, a
black one, a French one and a brunette
one, me. We all had special skills.
Sommerset had a photographic memory,
the Japanese fox was a kung fu master,
the black girl was a demolition
expert, the French fox' specialty
was sex...

 

VINCENT
What was your specialty?

MIA
Knives. The character I played, Raven
McCoy, her background was she was
raised by circus performers. So she
grew up doing a knife act. According
to the show, she was the deadliest
woman in the world with a knife. But
because she grew up in a circus, she
was also something of an acrobat.
She could do illusions, she was a
trapeze artist – when you're keeping
the world safe from evil, you never
know when being a trapeze artist's
gonna come in handy. And she knew a
zillion old jokes her grandfather,
an old vaudevillian, taught her. If
we woulda got picked up, they woulda
worked in a gimmick where every
episode I woulda told and ol joke.

 

VINCENT
Do you remember any of the jokes?

MIA
Well I only got the chance to say
one, 'cause we only did one show.

VINCENT
Tell me.

MIA
No. It's really corny.

VINCENT
C'mon, don't be that way.

 

MIA
No. You won't like it and I'll be
embarrassed.

VINCENT
You told it in front of fifty million
people and you can't tell it to me?
I promise I won't laugh.

MIA
(laughing)
That's what I'm afraid of.

VINCENT
That's not what I meant and you know
it.

MIA
You're quite the silver tongue devil,
aren't you?

 

VINCENT
I meant I wouldn't laugh at you.

MIA
That's not what you said Vince. Well
now I'm definitely not gonna tell
ya, 'cause it's been built up too
much.

VINCENT
What a gyp.

Buddy comes back with the drinks. Mia wraps her lips around
the straw of her shake.

MIA
Yummy!

VINCENT
Can I have a sip of that? I'd like
to know what a five-dollar shake
tastes like.

 

MIA
Be my guest.

She slides the shake over to him.

MIA
You can use my straw, I don't have
kooties.

Vincent smiles.

VINCENT
Yeah, but maybe I do.

MIA
Kooties I can handle.

He takes a sip.

VINCENT
Goddamn! That's a pretty fuckin'
good milk shake.

 

MIA
Told ya.

VINCENT
I don't know if it's worth five
dollars, but it's pretty fuckin'
good.

He slides the shake back.

Then the first of an uncomfortable silence happens.

MIA
Don't you hate that?

VINCENT
What?

MIA
Uncomfortable silences. Why do we
feel it's necessary to yak about
bullshit in order to be comfortable?

 

VINCENT
I don't know.

MIA
That's when you know you found
somebody special. When you can just
shit the fuck up for a minute, and
comfortably share silence.

VINCENT
I don't think we're there yet. But
don't feel bad, we just met each
other.

MIA
Well I'll tell you what, I'll go to
the bathroom and powder my nose,
while you sit here and think of
something to say.

VINCENT
I'll do that.

 

INT. JACKRABBIT SLIM'S (LADIES ROOM) – NIGHT

Mia powders her nose by doing a big line of coke off the
bathroom sink. Her head jerks up from the rush.

MIA
(imitating Steppenwolf)
I said goddamn!

INT. JACKRABBIT SLIM'S (DINING AREA) – NIGHT

Vincent digs into his Douglas Sirk steak. As he chews, his
eyes scan the Hellsapopinish restaurant.

Mia comes back to the table.

 

MIA
Don't you love it when you go to the
bathroom and you come back to find
your food waiting for you?

VINCENT
We're lucky we got it at all. Buddy
Holly doesn't seem to be much of a
waiter. We shoulda sat in Marilyn
Monroe's section.

MIA
Which one, there's two Marilyn
Monroes.

VINCENT
No there's not.

Pointing at Marilyn in the white dress serving a table.

 

VINCENT
That's Marilyn Monroe...

Then, pointing at a BLONDE WAITRESS in a tight sweater and
capri pants, taking an order from a bunch of FILM GEEKS –

VINCENT
... and that's Mamie Van Doren. I
don't see Jayne Mansfield, so it
must be her night off.

MIA
Pretty smart.

VINCENT
I have moments.

MIA
Did ya think of something to say?

 

VINCENT
Actually, there's something I've
wanted to ask you about, but you
seem like a nice person, and I didn't
want to offend you.

MIA
Oooohhhh, this doesn't sound like
mindless, boring, getting-to-know-
you chit-chat. This sounds like you
actually have something to say.

VINCENT
Only if you promise not to get
offended.

MIA
You can't promise something like
that. I have no idea what you're
gonna ask. You could ask me what
you're gonna ask me, and my natural
response could be to be offended.
Then, through no fault of my own, I
woulda broken my promise.

 

VINCENT
Then let's just forget it.

MIA
That is an impossibility. Trying to
forget anything as intriguing as
this would be an exercise in futility.

VINCENT
Is that a fact?

Mia nods her head: "Yes."

MIA
Besides, it's more exciting when you
don't have permission.

 

VINCENT
What do you think about what happened
to Antwan?

MIA
Who's Antwan?

VINCENT
Tony Rocky Horror.

MIA
He fell out of a window.

VINCENT
That's one way to say it. Another
way is, he was thrown out. Another
was is, he was thrown out by
Marsellus. And even another way is,
he was thrown out of a window by
Marsellus because of you.

 

MIA
Is that a fact?

VINCENT
No it's not, it's just what I heard.

MIA
Who told you this?

VINCENT
They.

Mia and Vincent smile.

MIA
They talk a lot, don't they?

VINCENT
They certainly do.

 

MIA
Well don't by shy Vincent, what
exactly did they say?

Vincent is slow to answer.

MIA
Let me help you Bashful, did it
involve the F-word?

VINCENT
No. They just said Rocky Horror gave
you a foot massage.

MIA
And...?

VINCENT
No and, that's it.

MIA
You heard Marsellus threw Rocky Horror
out of a four-story window because
he massaged my feet?

 

VINCENT
Yeah.

MIA
And you believed that?

VINCENT
At the time I was told, it seemed
reasonable.

MIA
Marsellus throwing Tony out of a
four story window for giving me a
foot massage seemed reasonable?

VINCENT
No, it seemed excessive. But that
doesn't mean it didn't happen. I
heard Marsellus is very protective
of you.

 

MIA
A husband being protective of his
wife is one thing. A husband almost
killing another man for touching his
wife's feet is something else.

VINCENT
But did it happen?

MIA
The only thing Antwan ever touched
of mine was my hand, when he shook
it. I met Anwan once – at my wedding
– then never again. The truth is,
nobody knows why Marsellus tossed
Tony Rocky Horror out of that window
except Marsellus and Tony Rocky
Horror. But when you scamps get
together, you're worse than a sewing
circle.

 

CUT TO:

ED SULLIVAN AND MARILYN MONROE STAND ON STAGE

ED SULLIVAN
(into microphone)
Ladies and gentlemen, now the moment
you've all been waiting for, the
worldfamous Jackrabbit Slim's twist
contest.

Patrons cheer.

Ed Sullivan is with Marilyn Monroe, who holds a trophy.

ED SULLIVAN
...One lucky couple will win this
handsome trophy that Marilyn here is
holding.

Marilyn holds the trophy.

 

ED SULLIVAN
...Now, who will be our first
contestants?

Mia holds her hand.

MIA
Right here.

Vincent reacts.

MIA
I wanna dance.

VINCENT
No, no, no no, no, no, no, no.

MIA
(overlapping)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I do
believe Marsellus, my husband, your
boss, told you to take me out and do
whatever I wanted, Now, I want to
dance. I want to win. I want that
trophy.