The Random Thread (My 5985)

WAITRESS
Can I get anybody anymore coffee?

YOUNG WOMAN
Oh yes, thank you.

The Waitress pours the Young Woman's coffee. The Young Man
lights up another cigarette.

YOUNG MAN
I'm doin' fine.

The Waitress leaves. The Young Man takes a drag off of his
smoke.

The Young Woman pours a ton of cream and sugar into her
coffee.

The Young Man goes right back into it.

 

YOUNG MAN
I mean the way it is now, you're
takin' the same fuckin' risk as when
you rob a bank. You take more of a
risk. Banks are easier! Federal
banks aren't supposed to stop you
anyway, during a robbery. They're
insured, why should they care? You
don't even need a gun in a federal
bank. I heard about this guy, walked
into a federal bank with a portable
phone, handed the phone to the teller,
the guy on the other end of the phone
said: "We got this guy's little girl,
and if you don't give him all your
money, we're gonna kill 'er."

YOUNG WOMAN
Did it work?

 

YOUNG MAN
Fuckin' A it worked, that's what I'm
talkin' about! Knucklehead walks in
a bank with a telephone, not a pistol,
not a shotgun, but a fuckin' phone,
cleans the place out, and they don't
lift a fuckin' finger.

YOUNG WOMAN
Did they hurt the little girl?

YOUNG MAN
I don't know. There probably never
was a little girl – the point of the
story isn't the little girl. The
point of the story is they robbed
the bank with a telephone.

 

YOUNG WOMAN
You wanna rob banks?

YOUNG MAN
I'm not sayin' I wanna rob banks,
I'm just illustrating that if we
did, it would be easier than what we
been doin'.

YOUNG WOMAN
So you don't want to be a bank robber?

YOUNG MAN
Naw, all those guys are goin' down
the same road, either dead or servin'
twenty.

 

YOUNG WOMAN
And no more liquor stores?

YOUNG MAN
What have we been talking about?
Yeah, no more-liquor-stores. Besides,
it ain't the giggle it usta be. Too
many foreigners own liquor stores.
Vietnamese, Koreans, they can't
fuckin' speak English. You tell 'em:
"Empty out the register," and they
don't know what it fuckin' means.
They make it too personal. We keep
on, one of those gook motherfuckers'
gonna make us kill 'em.

YOUNG WOMAN
I'm not gonna kill anybody.

 

YOUNG MAN
I don't wanna kill anybody either.
But they'll probably put us in a
situation where it's us of them. And
if it's not the gooks, it these old
Jews who've owned the store for
fifteen fuckin' generations. Ya got
Grandpa Irving sittin' behind the
counter with a fuckin' Magnum. Try
walkin' into one of those stores
with nothin' but a telephone, see
how far it gets you. Fuck it, forget
it, we're out of it.

YOUNG WOMAN
Well, what else is there, day jobs?

YOUNG MAN
(laughing)
Not this life.

 

YOUNG WOMAN
Well what then?

He calls to the Waitress.

YOUNG MAN
Garcon! Coffee!

Then looks to his girl.

YOUNG MAN
This place.

The Waitress comes by, pouring him some more.

WAITRESS
(snotty)
"Garcon" means boy.

She splits.

 

YOUNG WOMAN
Here? It's a coffee shop.

YOUNG MAN
What's wrong with that? People never
rob restaurants, why not? Bars, liquor
stores, gas stations, you get your
head blown off stickin' up one of
them. Restaurants, on the other hand,
you catch with their pants down.
They're not expecting to get robbed,
or not as expecting.

YOUNG WOMAN
(taking to idea)
I bet in places like this you could
cut down on the hero factor.

 

YOUNG MAN
Correct. Just like banks, these places
are insured. The managers don't give
a fuck, they're just tryin' to get
ya out the door before you start
pluggin' diners. Waitresses, forget
it, they ain't takin' a bullet for
the register. Busboys, some wetback
gettin' paid a dollar fifty a hour
gonna really give a fuck you're
stealin' from the owner. Customers
are sittin' there with food in their
mouths, they don't know what's goin'
on. One minute they're havin' a Denver
omelet, next minute somebody's
stickin' a gun in their face.

The Young Woman visibly takes in the idea. The Young Man
continues in a low voice.

YOUNG MAN
See, I got the idea last liquor store
we stuck up. 'Member all those
customers kept comin' in?

YOUNG WOMAN
Yeah.

 

YOUNG MAN
Then you got the idea to take
everybody's wallet.

YOUNG WOMAN
Uh-huh.

YOUNG MAN
That was a good idea.

YOUNG WOMAN
Thanks.

YOUNG MAN
We made more from the wallets then
we did the register.

 

YOUNG WOMAN
Yes we did.

YOUNG MAN
A lot of people go to restaurants.

YOUNG WOMAN
A lot of wallets.

YOUNG MAN
Pretty smart, huh?

The Young Woman scans the restaurant with this new
information.

She sees all the PATRONS eating, lost in conversations. The
tired WAITRESS, taking orders. The BUSBOYS going through the
motions, collecting dishes. The MANAGER complaining to the
COOK about something. A smiles breaks out on the Young Woman's
face.

 

YOUNG WOMAN
Pretty smart.
(into it)
I'm ready, let's go, right here,
right now.

YOUNG MAN
Remember, same as before, you're
crowd control, I handle the employees.

YOUNG WOMAN
Got it.

They both take out their .32-caliber pistols and lay them on
the table. He looks at her and she back at him.

 

YOUNG WOMAN
I love you, Pumpkin.

YOUNG MAN
I love you, Honey Bunny.

And with that, Pumpkin and Honey Bunny grab their weapons,
stand up and rob the restaurant. Pumpkin's robbery persona
is that of the in-control professional. Honey Bunny's is
that of the psychopathic, hair-triggered, loose cannon.

 

PUMPKIN
(yelling to all)
Everybody be cool this is a robbery!

HONEY BUNNY
Any of you fuckin' pricks move and
I'll execute every one of you
motherfuckers! Got that?

CUT TO:

CREDIT SEQUENCE:

 

"PULP FICTION"

INT. '74 CHEVY (MOVING) – MORNING

An old gas guzzling, dirty, white 1974 Chevy Nova BARRELS
down a homeless-ridden street in Hollywood. In the front
seat are two young fellas – one white, one black – both
wearing cheap black suits with thin black ties under long
green dusters. Their names are VINCENT VEGA (white) and JULES
WINNFIELD (black). Jules is behind the wheel.

JULES
– Okay now, tell me about the hash
bars?

VINCENT
What so you want to know?

 

JULES
Well, hash is legal there, right?

VINCENT
Yeah, it's legal, but is ain't a
hundred percent legal. I mean you
can't walk into a restaurant, roll a
joint, and start puffin' away. You're
only supposed to smoke in your home
or certain designated places.

JULES
Those are hash bars?

VINCENT
Yeah, it breaks down like this: it's
legal to buy it, it's legal to own
it and, if you're the proprietor of
a hash bar, it's legal to sell it.
It's legal to carry it, which doesn't
really matter 'cause – get a load of
this – if the cops stop you, it's
illegal for this to search you.
Searching you is a right that the
cops in Amsterdam don't have.

 

JULES
That did it, man – I'm fuckin' goin',
that's all there is to it.

VINCENT
You'll dig it the most. But you know
what the funniest thing about Europe
is?

JULES
What?

VINCENT
It's the little differences. A lotta
the same shit we got here, they got
there, but there they're a little
different.

 

JULES
Examples?

VINCENT
Well, in Amsterdam, you can buy beer
in a movie theatre. And I don't mean
in a paper cup either. They give you
a glass of beer, like in a bar. In
Paris, you can buy beer at
MacDonald's. Also, you know what
they call a Quarter Pounder with
Cheese in Paris?

JULES
They don't call it a Quarter Pounder
with Cheese?

 

VINCENT
No, they got the metric system there,
they wouldn't know what the fuck a
Quarter Pounder is.

JULES
What'd they call it?

VINCENT
Royale with Cheese.

JULES
(repeating)
Royale with Cheese. What'd they call
a Big Mac?