The Random Thread (My 5985)

Hutch: What's the Klingon for "I'm going to die a virgin"?
Admiral Seasholtz: [Replies in fluent Klingon]

 

Windows: What's your game plan?
Eric: We storm the ranch or we die trying.
Windows: Yeah.

 

Hutch: Rule number one: In my van, it's Rush. All Rush, all the time. No exceptions. Rule number two: Nobody touch the red button. And I mean never touch the red button. Most importantly, rule number three: There's no jerking in my van.
[they looks at Windows]

 

The year is 1998 and it is a period of galactic civil war. Scratch that. There's no civil war. That would be crazy. However, the past fifteen years have been a dark time for Star Wars fans.

But there is hope. A new Star Wars film is on the horizon. In 199 days, 3 hours, 33 minutes and 29 seconds the most anticipated movie of all time will be released.

In the remote state of Ohio, two best friends and lifelong Star Wars fans have drifted apart. Little do they know that on Halloween night, their paths will cross again...

Ever wonder why these words are flying? Maybe aliens in another galaxy will one day read this and think WTF?

sent from my iPhone.

 

Windows: You guys both got to stop perpetuating this myth that Boba Fett is some kind of bad-ass. All right? He has a jet pack. So did the Rocketeer. Really cool. When it comes time for battle, the man's Michael Bay - all style, no substance.
Hutch: If you diss the Fett the again, I will corn-hole you with a lightsaber!

 

Hutch: You want to take off your shirt.
[Zoe rolls her eyes]
Hutch: You want to take off your shirt.
Zoe: Asshole. You have been trying that Jedi mind shit on me since the eighth grade. It doesn't work.
Hutch: Oh, it works. Tell her, Windows.
Zoe: He's been geeking out with Rogue Leader all morning. Nothing can tear him away.
[lifts her sweater, exposing her breasts to Windows who is on the Internet on his laptop, not looking up]
Zoe: Ah, I love the feeling of fresh air on my naked breasts.
Hutch: Oh, ho-ho!
Zoe: See that? Man's immune to sweater yams.
Hutch: What about me? I like sweater yams!

 

Zoe: You might wanna hit the showers. 'Cause you smell like something shit *in* my nose.
Hutch: Yes, Your Highnessness.
[Hutch takes off his t-shirt]
Zoe: Ew! What in god's name is living on your chest? It looks like your fell on ALF.

 

Hutch: Dude, you're gonna be my Dak today, all right? Follow my lead.
Windows: Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa. You wanna just talk to them?
Hutch: Yeah. It's called having balls.
Zoe: Or in your case, one ball.

 

THX Security Guard #2: [played by Ray Park][to Windows] Time for you to get mauled, boy.

 

Windows: I met her in a Jedi chatroom. The woman is perfect. She's intelligent and acerbic, and a die-hard fan. She's even got connections inside the Lucas camp.
Linus: Who's also got a man package and a goatee.
Windows: You guys are all just jealous because she describes herself as a cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Janeane Garafolo.
Hutch: Tell 'em how you described yourself.
Windows: I was perfectly honest with her.
Linus: You said you look like a white Billy Dee Williams. You called yourself white chocolate.
Windows: I *am* white chocolate.

 

[after bailing the guys out of jail]
Zoe: You pussies owe me, big time

 

Linus: Official Episode 1 countdown is six months, 12 days, eight hours and some change.
Windows: I would sell my soul to see that movie right here right now.
Linus: Dude, I would sell my left nut. And I only have the one nut. So you see how serious I am?

 

Admiral Seasholtz: Okay. Hilarious, everyone. Looks like we got more Lucas hounds here to mock Roddenberry. Congratulations, gentleman, but I would like to see your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone. And we'll see who's laughing then. Am I right?
Windows: Darth Vader can put the entire Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind.
Admiral Seasholtz: Uh, Darth Vader has asthma, so name me one Star Trek character with a respiratory disease, 'cause I'm drawing a blank.
Linus: Name me one Star Wars character who's gay.
Hutch: Beside's you.
Admiral Seasholtz: Well, no one's gay in Star Trek, so why would I even do that?
Linus: Captain Picard.
Admiral Seasholtz: Okay. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British.
Windows: Come on. "Make it so!"

 

Head Of Security: Mr. Lucas is touched and mildly flattered by what have done here. And I have been informed that I feel the same way. So the charges are gonna be dropped. That is, of course, if you are what you appear to be.
Windows: Uh, what do we appear to be?
Head Of Security: Fanboys. Something we can easily determine with a simple quiz.

 

Windows: Harrison Ford is the greatest actor of all time!
Eric: In the history of cinema?
Windows: He's Han Solo, Indiana Jones. Yes!
Eric: Deckard from Blade Runner.
Windows: Yes. Exactly. Greatest actor of all time. He's never done a bad movie.
[drive past a billboard for `Six Days, Seven Nights`]

 

Hutch: You gotta find your Death Star.
Eric: Okay, I'll bite.
Hutch: Greatest deed Luke Skywalker ever did was take down the Death Star, right? As far as I'm concerned, that's what everybody needs. You need that one bad-ass thing that lets you live on forever, you know.

 

[after having landed in the garbage disposal room]
Windows: I have a bad feeling about this.
Hutch: Um, you guys don't that the, um...
Linus: We are in George Lucas' trash room.
Eric: Don't be ridiculous, okay? The walls are not gonna close in on us.
[the walls begin to move in]

 

[last lines]
Eric: Hey guys.
Windows: What?
Hutch: What, man?
Eric: What if the movie sucks?

 

Now, that's another great frakking movie.

 

http://forum.phun.org/showthread.php?p=2765657&highlight=Fanboys#post2765657

:wink: