The Random Thread (My 5985)

What did Jesus say to his 12 apostles as he was being nailed to the cross?

"Don't touch my Easter eggs, I'll be back on Monday."

 

Christianity: the belief that a 2,000-year old Jewish zombie will get angry if you masturbate.

 

Bored? Simply sneak into your local hospital, find someone who looks a bit worried in the waiting area and then walk up to them and say, "I'm terribly sorry - we lost him."

 

Be honest, how many of you out there only watched Obama's inauguration to see if he got shot?

 

Why did Hitler commit suicide? He saw his gas bill.

 

Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.

 

I told my mum and dad that I've signed up to fight over in Afghanistan. They weren't happy. Apparently, joining the Taliban is considered 'unpatriotic'.

 

My father was a schizophrenic, but he was good people.

 

No two sunsets or sunrises are the same. Well, they are the same in one specific way, the main participants, but different in every other. They may look the same at first, but at some level, they will be different. An extra puff of wind, one more or less bird, randomised clouds, one or more cars in the evening.

It's a whole Zen, cycle of life, thing. The greatest expression of the natural ebb and flow of the universe around us is the movement of the star which gives us life, and our base perception of these events telling us that each one is different. Not unlike human beings.

Every sunset and sunrise is beautiful, because you see the sun set and the sun rise.

 

Gurkha = misleadingly diminutive hillman

 

Gurkhas - The meanest fighting force you will ever come up against comprised of muscle bound crazy young Nepalese men and led by British officers of a peculiar bent; they are not the sort of people you would want to come up against on a dark night.

Or, at all.

 

Now you ask, why doesn't the rotor fly away, leaving the rest of the thing on the ground? Good question, little Grasshopper.

On top of the rotor is what us-who-are-in-the-know call the `Jesusbolt` (Spam call it the `Jesusnut`). It is the bolt that keeps the rotor connected to the hull. You can see it there, sitting on top of the rotorhead. When that bolt loosens, because it gets twisted around too much, the chopper falls.

And so will you.

 

His boss had clipped him around the ear plenty of times for saying such things, and not just metaphorically.

 

He nodded at the comely receptionist, who nodded back and smiled warmly in recognition, and he threw a mock salute at the impassive armed guards, who returned neither a nod nor a smile.

 

-I thought it was a secret?
-Ah, to the world, it is a secret, but we aren't on the world, are we? Besides, I may presently fly a desk, but i still retain my Top Secret clearance.
-That's what happens when you sleep with the upper echelons.
-Oh, Commodore Koslov is here? (looks around comically)

 

Not all those who wander are lost.

 

The little dogs are the ones that yap at you. The big dogs don't bother because they know they can rip your head off.

 

When all else fails, cheat.

 

The crayon is purple.

 

She sighed. He feigned ignorance. She sighed again. He resisted the quirk of a smile that wanted to break out across his face and concentrated on the hard drive under his microscope. She sat down on his work bench with an overly vocal sigh and looked at him. He knew this from his peripheral vision, but steadfastedly refused to meet her eyes, knowing from long experience that she would have her patented puppy-dog-pay-attention-and-do-what-i-say-or-i'll-cry look on, and he'd be sucked into her insanity. Silence descended on his workshop. He hated silence. She knew he hated silence. He sighed himself and put down his screwdriver. He spun his chair around.