The Random Thread (My 5985)

Well this is to celebrate my 5985th post, I wanted to wait till I reached 6000 but then that's what everybody seems to be doing, why should post number 5985 be any less important,

Post any random thing that comes to mind.

Cheers Phunners

 

I :boobies:!!!

 

Excellent.

Another spam thread.

Just in time too, the other 48 spam threads are nearing completion.

 

:spankme:

 

The others were getting over crowded, I thought I'd share out the spam load

 

When I woke up today I saw my cell phone battery was low so I plugged it in to charge up my LG Shine after which II thought of the movie sling blade for some reason I am not sure why after which I thought of the album by the group Shinedown that markymark sent me for some reason I remember that Three Kings is a movie I haven’t seen in ages then King Nothing is another song I haven’t heard but am not sure why it’s not on my ipod which I just charged up also while in the shower and am currently listening to the outlaw torn at the moment while typing this I realized that my gum is a little flavourless and I should have a new piece but this coffee must have diluted it a little bit but hey I’m going to go out soon so I don’t think I need another one but you never know when you are going to need a new one so maybe now I should think about going out on the road and take a ride in my truck which I just filled up with gas which Billy must call Petrol which is totally weird to me but gas to him must be those stinky farts he has after someone like elturko who is down in south America must make some wicked chilli or is that just racist which I have no idea of because do they eat chilli there or is that only in Mexico of which I do know a very cool Messican dude from another board who incidently has a WICKED awesome lawn which is not racist in any part as I know him so I can say he has a wicked lawn and isn’t a bad thing to say as this Snow Negro has no Lawn in the arctic.

I could use another coffee or maybe not.

 

:blowjob:

 

LOL

One of the greatest sentences ever written on Phun

LOL

 

And one day Ares says; The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my spam brothers. And you will know my name is the Spam Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

 

By the way, I am not Christian, I just went to Catholic school for eight years.

 

TOM: There’s six black cocks and a little white kitten sitting on the side of the road. How many beaks have they got between them?
SOAP: Six.
TOM: How many wings have they got between them?
SOAP: Twelve.
TOM: How many feet?
SOAP: Er, well, twelve. No, sixteen.
TOM: That’s right. So how many whiskers has the little white kitten got?
SOAP: How the fuck should I know?
TOM: How come you know so much about black cocks and so little about white pussy?

 

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and Smurfs.

 

Whats got six legs and a cunt right in the middle of its back?










A Policehorse

 

President Josiah Bartlet: Werner Von Braun's autobiography was titled `I Aim for the Stars`. Mort Sahl joked, "He should have added `Only Sometimes I Hit London`."

 

I could suck on a fag right about now.
Erm, ok........I'll just watch, I guess.
Huh?
You wanna suck on a...
Cigarette. A cigarette. A fag.
Oh. Ohhh!
Wait, dude; you'll just watch? What the fuck?
I was trying to be polite.
Mmm-hmm.

 

Whats the greatest invention ever?

I vote for 'The Miniskirt'

 

It was Los Angeles, November, 1997. It was wet. Damned wet. El Nino wet. Our story takes place in a travellers hostel in Inglewood. Yes, i said Inglewood. For those outside of LA and the world beyond, South Central was synonymous with ghetto and violence in LA. In LA, Inglewood and Compton were the places to be avoided.

And there we were, a former motel of foreign white folk in the midst. Ironically, it was the foreign part that kept it safe. On the street, no-one ever bothered you, however incongrous a white face in Inglewood may have been. It was like a truce.

Into this surreal setting, we pitch our heroes.

There were many of us in those days. There was Alexa, the girl from Berlin. Greg, the Kiwi from Taupo. A couple from Perth whose name escapes me just now. Thomas from London. Ross the chef, an Australian Jew from Melbourne who loved bacon and taught me how to shave properly. Catherine, the sweet girl from Dublin. And me, young, wide-eyed, pitched into the dangers of the wider world, unbeknowst of the perils and horrors that lay ahead.

But that's another story.

One stormy night, my good friend Ross, the Australian Jew who liked his bacon, set his eyes upon a blonde girl from St Louis. And when i say blonde, i mean really blonde. The sort of blonde where you think the bleach must have seeped through her pores into her brain at some point in her existence, so blonde was she.

Of course, Ross, my Jewish-Australian bacon-eating friend, wanted to get into her knickers.

Now, this blonde from St Louis, she was so clueless as to the world beyond her shores, I had taken to drawing little napkin maps to explain the location of certain things. Other countries, for example. I wouldn't have been surprised to discover that she thought the world was flat.

Now, as to her level of georgraphic intelligence, put it like this; she was from St Louis, and she knew that New York was east, Los Angeles was west, Canada was north and Mexico was south, but *exactly* where they were was where she would stumble.

Now, I hail from the great and ancient city of Lincoln. And when I say ancient, I mean 2,500 years of settlement ancient, for our American cousins who think a century is old. But, being in America, when I said Lincoln, some fool always responded, `Oh, Lincoln, Nebraska?` Yes, because I sound so American mid-western to you, do I? So, I had developed a habit of saying, `Lincoln, England` in response to the `where are you from` question.

I said this to said blonde.

She nodded and went `uh-huh.`

And her next words have remained imprinted upon my mind to this day. People say it's not true, but on my honour, it is the truth.

She said;

`After Abraham Lincoln?`

Ross, my friend the Australian Jew who liked his bacon, jerked when he heard this and his head snapped around like it was on a steel spring. He told me later that my face just sort of....froze. Now, Ross, my friend, wanted to sleep with the girl, no matter how insanely dumb she was. She was moderately pretty, legal and available, all Ross, my friend, cared about. He gave me a beseeching look of `don't queer my pitch, bro`, and the blonde's face was beginning to show signs of realising her mistake.

So, understandably, I panicked.

`Yes,` I blurted out. `Yes. When the Romans named my city, they foresaw your 16th President.`

She seemed happy with that and swiftly changed the subject.

The next morning, Ross, my Jewish-Australian friend who liked his bacon, came down after sealing the deal and told me that she'd changed the subject herself the night before because she didn't know who the 16th President had been, and didn't want to appear foolish.

Oh, how I laughed.

THE END