an afternoon of bullets and beer

anybody like to go out shooting for no good reason.
well i do, I find it a real stress reliever,
Lucky me, ive picked up the perfect kit for this to, its the hipoint 9mm.
something like this here........



See one day i found this brand new at the gun store for just under 150 bones and thought 'for that price i should get a dozen', but only bought one thinking i would go out and pick up the other eleven if it worked. Then i threw it in the back of the safe and forgot all about it.

Until this afternoon when my wife and i wandered up to her sisters, her husband and i had no reason to stick around and become the inevitable target for their slander, so we were off to find things that needed to be shot, he with his S/W 45 and me with my plastic 9mm.

Ah yes a good old day in the back woods of Indiana doing down right American things with beer and bullets. My kind of day.

We set up our victims, named them, and commenced the intended barrage. He was able to blast out the first twenty rounds fast - missing everything. I was trying to get the first round unstuck from the chamber. he reloaded his magazines and threw another 20 rounds at the targets, once again leaving them un-touched, I spent the time cleaning the mud out off my magazine after inadvertently pushing the drop your mag in the mud button in attempt to set the first round.

by now he noticed his beer was empty snapped up a new one and took the Hipoint form me to sort the issue himself. I grabbed the S/W and ran 20 rounds down its neck, hitting a milk jug once and killing most all the vegetation on both sides of my target. i finnished to see him picking the mag up from the mud.

after some 10 minutes we sorted the issue and began running rounds out the end of the 150 dollar tiny plastic monster only to find an amazing thing, it hit almost everything out there, nothing we were aiming at but it appeared to have efficacy on its side. I wasted 100 rounds in the next 20 minutes with a huge grin and ringing ears stopping four or five times to teach the gun how it should work and pick up my magazine from the mud - it became tradition.

100 well aimed, patiently placed rounds of the finest cheap soviet ammunition a person can buy, and not one of those mother fuckers hit a god damn thing except - eventually - the ground. and there is a good chance a few missed that.

and now im out of 9mm bullets, so i think it safe to say we can all rest a little easier.
this is just another stupid story by your friend
brothergrims.

 

And why is this in the creative forum?

 

Good question Toolz!!

 

will you now sell it for $100?

 

Sorry guys, it wont happen again,
rest comfortably assured.


and as much as i would love to let the thing go, we have much bigger plans for it.

 

yeah bub im into bullets and whiskey......

shoot almost everyday. great stress reliever.

this is the wrong section for this but will chat with ya about it wherever they move it to.

 

i would have to assume that if the guy two above you hasnt moved it, it aint moving.

so it seems creative writing is still creative.
is that about right azz or are you deliberating over were to put me?

 

wtfazz is a cool guy.... its eveidently no issue for anybody..

 

This story reads as if it was an excerpt from the real story. An easy read but it lacks volume and purpose.

Perhaps start by elaborating what caused the stress.

And if this was your conclusion to the story-its empty. You leave the reader with no closure and thus causes the misunderstanding.

Your writing, on the other hand, is easy to read and does flow. Just try adding a little volume and thesis to this story. There are people that will relate to this story if you give them the chance.

 

thanks for reading,
and for the help, if i ever do this again, and i may, ill try to keep in mind your thoughts.

what do you mean by thesis, this is kind of confusing to me?

 

whooo hooo so now we are going to have a redirection and hijack competition?

phun phun phun...

its a good short story post and pretty common with a high point plasti gun...

still you got all the zombies out there's attention.

 

I found your story pretty amusing. With just a little embelishment it would make an excellent short story. The only thing your story lacked was a bit more closure, but other than that, it's fine.

 

No prob. I think you should try it again. Your post has a nice twist and creative thinking behind it. (If in fact this was a story).

Thesis-basically a true plot. Morel to the story-the purpose.

But I must ask, is this a story or an exert from a personal experience? Out of a diary? You see, that is what is a bit confusing and unorthodox, you start the story off as a personal experience, but in this section of PHUN, most will consider this as a story or creative/fictional writing.

Thats were the point is lost. But, if this is to be fictional-you could certainly turn this into a very entertaining short story. You have great open-ended opportunities to interact humor and drama in there.

 

well let me explain,
true - its an event that took place, it was all based in truth so that would - by your definition - make it a thesis? (i didnt know that - neat) - however its just a text photo, its a moment in a persons life that is frozen in time.

now should a reporting of an actual event be part of a creative section.
thats the real question toolz brought up isnt it?

I would like to offer; story telling is a creative art.

Painting a picture with text/words is not easy. And a true master of story telling is without any doubt an artist. Im not a master story teller by any stretch, but i get the mood....

I have some friends that can tell a story and ive told them they had a gift for it, not becouse i wanted that guy to know, but more importantly I wanted the guy next to him to know he didnt so he would shut up.

I dont really consider myself good at it - but i like to play, i like to see the response, a chuckle or even some criticism. I learn that way.

Does any of this make that little story clearer, and is this called something i dont know.


I may try it agian, i wondered what would happen if i recorded a wav file of a story, and put it up for a link. I may do that someday.
and thanks again for all who reads this.

 

so i should have added lesbians and a monster truck?
i can do that.

thanks scribe, i appreciate it.

 

A short story is a short story. Whether it's based in truth or fiction is irrelevent to whether or not it belongs in the CB. Drawing a mental image is just as viable artistically as putting paintbrush to canvass. Many painters are inspired by their surroundings. Monet was in the habit of painting his garden. To say a writer is somehow being less creative by writing of actual events as opposed to something that struck him on a whim is a bit ludicrous. Inspiration knows no such limits.

I was suggesting that the story should've, or could've, been brought full circle back to and your buddy meeting up with your spouses at the end of your outing.

"So, what did you boys do today...?"

 

i never thought of that, i get what your saying.
I could have added more, but i think its strange telling a story here, it has to be done very short, not to many people are willing to invest time in reading stuff, so its like you have to write for a 30 second spot, anything more and your spending to much of the readers time - witch is funny becouse the only way we communicate is with the typed word.

phun the place of one word sentences.

so you dont wan the version with monster truck driving lesbians?

 

The first line of any story is the very important, it's the lure you use to real them in. As a rule of thumb, the rest of the story must live up to the first line's implied potential. People will take the time to read a great story.

Okay, go with the monster truck driving lesbians.

 

I have no idea where you understood that I was describing him as less creative. You need to read what I wrote again.

 

I dindt get the same impression from what scrib noted, but rather just the opposite,

please let me know more of your thoughts on this so i can better understand you point.
My question and argument was directed at Toolz, but ive read a lot of Toolz posts and now have a better understanding of it.

id let you know what understanding that is, but it would result in me being banned, so i refrain.

thanks again for you input. i cant tell you how much i appreciate you reading it.